A Chance To Mend Fences

Today we saw my brother-in-law.  He seemed like a completely new person one I’ve never seen before. He was very animated. I was used to my brother-in-law having a dry sense of humor and kind of stand offish in a way. This time we talked and carried on and he looked so happy and animated. I was glad that he told us about what happened but also told him that I was hoping that this would give us a chance to be more like brother and sister.

He cried at one point of our conversation when I was talking to him about his mother and about his experience with her. His description of her sounded more like my description of her. She always seemed very distant to me. He felt that this program called Pathways really did wonders for him and it is something that I'm going to take a look at. I'm going to try to do my Dr. Phil stuff again. Really try to focus on it and see how I can improve my life.

Today I am thankful for mending fences. I had cut myself off from my husband's brother My brother-in-law because of an incident that happened a couple of years ago. My husband had me go with him to his brother's house in Chicago. It was extremely hot and a long trip. I didn't want to go but did anyway. My husband insisted that there wouldn't be a problem. Of course there was no problem, for him. I decided to wait in the vehicle.

I was not going to give my sister-in-law his wife any reason or cause to come over and bother me. I knew she was looking for an excuse to confront me. Instead I sat out in that hot hot vehicle and read. I watched Harrison run by but didn't shout out to him. She finally took him into the house. I just knew she would say something and I didn't want to be accused of starting anything. Did I mention it was hot?

My husband and his brother were loading stuff on his truck and I could see his wife glaring out at the truck. Back and forth she would go in and out of the truck. I needed to go to the bathroom but I knew not to ask to go into the bathroom. I would then be out of everyone's sight and then she would pounce.

Finally my husband finished putting stuff on the truck and he went to the house to say goodbye to Harrison. When he did that I felt like he was crossing the line. I wasn't allowed in that house and he shouldn't go if I wasn't allowed in there. We had a huge battle royal with crying and bitterness.

Eventually my husband and I were able to work things out but I for the longest time I wanted nothing to do with either his brother or his wife. I felt it was quite insulting to be treated that way especially since I was the one who cared for their mother as she was dying.  How could they treat me like I don't matter and expect my husband to just go along with it?

 There can be no divided loyalties. When we got married and start our own family, that's where our primary loyalty needs to be. He is my husband whether they liked it or not.

I look upon his new relationship and commitment to GOD as a positive change in our relationship.  I look forward to a chance of forming a new relationship with him. 

To Couponing & Back Again

Years ago I read an article in a woman’s magazine and it featured a woman who purchased a whole shopping cart filled of food and after coupons and rebates walked out paying about a dollar or so for everything. She was a stay at home mom and she made it seem that by clipping coupons one could make this a reality. That’ what I wanted! I wanted to stay at home, watch my kids grow, be all fussy with the house and the cooking. What a dream! Did this ever happen for me? NO!

When I married my first husband I wanted to prove to him that I could save so much money and live so frugally so that I could stay home and he could work. He had a very good job with great benefits. The problem was that he felt I should have a job and my pay should go for everything from food, to rent, to utilities, and he would be responsible for his car, his gym membership, and his nights out with his friends.

I started out pretty naively. I would get good deals and try to show my husband that we could afford for me to be a full-time mom with just a little more budget cutting. This conversation had the reverse effect as my husband felt that there was even more disposable income for him to burn through. I would skimp and go without but those words were not in his vocabulary.

Still I was proud of how mmuch I was saving and I used to write my parents and my sister and brag about the good deals until one day my sister made a comment about how she doesn’t use coupons anymore because her husband makes enough where she doesn’t have to anymore. The not so subtle message was that her husband was more successful than mine.

It was a lonely hobby and it wasn’t paying off the way my other hobby was which was doing radio contests. With that hobby my ex-husband and I went to concerts all the time and won albums, t-shirts, movie premiers, sporting events, and more. These were the times that we would actually go out as a couple and it was almost like we were dating again.

A marriage does not work if only one person is committed to it. I was desperately in love with my husband and was willing to sacrifice anything and everything to make him happy. When there was abuse, I blamed myself. When he belittled me, I vowed to do better.

Then one day I went into the hospital to deliver my youngest son and the next day my husband moved in with his mistress. He cleared out the bank account and left us with nothing. I was forced to go on welfare.

It was at that point I took account of my situation, returned to college and got a degree in education. The dream I had once held of being a stay-at-home mom was now the hope of making it alone without a husband. I had been so beaten down I wondered if I had my doubts.

I tried again after I graduated from college and started again this time with two young sons. I did much better then. I was able to stock pile free or nearly free laundry detergent, toothpaste, deodorant, etc. I would send away for some of the premiums and after all those years on welfare it felt good to be using all name brand items and buying them far cheaper than the store brand. This time I was way more organized than before. I would go to stores that offered double and even triple coupons and mail away for rebates. I began to start saving up the little checks here and there and depositing them into my account and even opened an account for my sons.

By the time I moved to Newport News I had saving down to a system. I had quit buying all my clothes at the second hand stores. Now I bought everything brand spanking new and not at Walmart. I shopped at Dillards and Hechts where there weren’t children running through the store screaming. I’d buy $60 dollar dresses for $10. I’d buy Mike a $100 coat for $15. They were all name brands even my darn shoes which I’d buy at 90% off. What a hoot.

Groceries were great at Harris Teeter. I’d buy what was on sale, especially if it was buy one get one free. If I had a coupon even better. They would print out extra coupons for you to use on your next visit. I’d buy our dog food at Pet Smart by going to the back of the store looking for bags that had been marked down sometimes up to40% because there were tears in the bags and then I’d use a coupon.

Then after years of being alone, I married my husband and I moved to Georgia.  My husband didn't see a need for me to do any couponing because he felt it was just nickle and diming things.  He just told me to watch what I spent without specifics.  That is until I spent $100 buying a bunch of cleaning supplies which included a new broom, a new mop, etc., bleach, etc., etc.  I guess it's back to couponing I go. 

Then yesterday I happened upon a coupon site by going to the Sweepsheet site. I’m glad I subscribed to this site. Three is some chat there but most of it is about sweeping not about political, anti-religious, sex, drug use, etc. I still love my other site but this was just a different avenue for me to do more snails. After all I used to do snails and I would win things. I even won a bike for Mike years ago. It was so great to be able to give him a bike. I have only won a couple of things that were only mentioned on that site. One was a Reeses t-shirt and the other was a $40 gift card that went to Mike. I’m keeping my fingers crossed though. I do win lots more on Online-Sweepstakes.com I’ve won lots of stuff from that including 2 of our vacations for the next year.

Well that’s when I took a look at the link for coupons. I used to subscribe to the magazine Refundable Bundle. I remember looking through it years ago for things I would use I let my subscription lapse all those years ago and didn’t renew.

Couponing used to be such a solitary hobby. Wow have things changed. I clicked on to the link and people were actually taking pictures of all the stuff they got for free and had ideas that I hadn’t thought of or hadn’t tried. Things like buying things really cheap or free and selling them at a yard sale.

So I said what the heck. I’ve been kind of doing money saving stuff by looking for red coke caps and plugging them in to get merchandise as gifts for my boys. I started doing my points. Doing the surveys. Heck. Maybe I still have it in me.