Sunday Morning Wreck

It can happen in a second.

Darryl and I had not warning this morning as we began our weekly shopping trip. We parked in the parking lot of CVS and headed towards the store, coupons and shopping list in hand ready to go bargain hunting.

As we came out of the store we heard a loud crash and we looked up to see a car veer off the road heading straight down the embankment towards our car.

No one seemed in control of the vehicle that seemd to be coasting almost in slow motion. While you wanted to run to the car to make sure the driver was OK you were frozen in place partly out of shock and partly because the car was still moving and you knew that you should wait for the vehicle to stop to render aid.

The car barely missing our car and came to a stop as it hit the curb of the CVS.

The car was badly damaged and the driver, a woman, said she couldn't move and we told her that she should try. We had already called 911 as had the other people who had witnessed the accident. The next thing we knew an ambulance and a fire truck had shown up.

We stayed with the woman speaking with her letting her know that help was there. Then after she was loaded onto the ambulance we were questioned bythe police as to what we observed.

We were told that thewoman in the vehcile that had coasted off the road had broken her ankles but that she would be OK.

I came away shaken by the incident because it could have ended so differently. Life is just so fragile and sometimes we get a wake-up call to remind us that life is precious.

Another Job Interview for Darryl

Darryl left today for his interview. He kept putting off leaving because he said he had a bad feeling. He said, "I feel something bad is going to happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it." That is highly unusual for Darryl to say he had a bad feeling. I wish he hadn't said that.

The interview took place in a city called Thomasville. It is near the Florida line not far from Tallahassee. If he gets the job it will be a step up for him and more in line with what he wants to do. We would be apart for at least this school year. I hate that.

I spent most of the day working on sweeps and of course ThriftyMaven.

I'm still following the Billings murder which gets stranger as each day passes by. It just doesn't make sense. People naturally want to blame the victims and try to find something about them that caused such a tragic thing to happen to them. I never understood that "Blame The Victim" mentality until someone finally explained it to me. You see when something like this happens or something like 911 happens you realize that your life could end in one violent moment and that is a frightening thing to comprehend. You mind seeks to calm you by saying, "Sure that happened to them but that person....." or "If I had been in one of those planes I would have...." It's kind of like a bedtime story you tell yourself. This happened to them but it would never happen to me. The fact is bad things do happen to good people.

Why would well-practiced thieves target a home with a security camera in every room? Who was Byrd Billings? And what does Escambia County Sheriff David Morgan mean when he says investigators expect motives to emerge beyond simple robbery?

Interviews and court records portray Byrd Billings as a former strip club owner-turned used car dealer who was once sentenced to probation for an adoption scam. He frequently crossed paths with "shady characters," according to an ex-wife, but police have offered no evidence linking his past to the killings.

Known around Pensacola as "Bud," Byrd Billings spent his early years in Mississippi and Tennessee. He owned a car dealership in Mississippi in the 1980s, and incorporated a boat company in 1976. The corporation was dissolved in the 1980s.

In divorce records from the end of his second marriage, in 1993, Billings reported a net worth of just $1,400, including total cash assets of $100 and a net monthly income of $1,190. Four months after the divorce, Melanie became his third wife.

They were living in a $700,000 home -- opulent by Pensacola standards -- and associates say they employed several people to care for the children. But how they got there is unclear.

Byrd's background also includes a strange criminal case. In 1990, he and his second wife, Cindy Reeve, pleaded nolo contendere -- which means they did not admit guilt but agreed to a punishment -- to charges they doctored birth records and tried to obtain a newborn for $2,100. They both received two years probation which was later amended to a year.

At the time of their divorce, the documents show, Billings was a consultant for Back Seat Inc., a holding company for a topless bar, which opened in 1990 and no longer exists. He had owned the company at one time. Arety Kapatanis, owner of the Pensacola strip club Arety's Angels, said Billings hired her as a waitress.

"Bud Billings was a man of integrity. He was generous," Kapatanis said. "He ran his business in the most professional manner."

Billings later opened a used car lot, which according to state business records was registered to Melanie and her daughter, Ashley Markham. It sits on a worn-out slab, surrounded by pawn shops and bail bond companies. Next door is the Billings' Worldco Financial Services.

Melanie, in her second marriage, seemed to thrive helping disabled children.

"Their lives centered around children, their family and each other," said her brother, Ed Brock. "They loved deeply and unconditionally. They embraced the complexity of raising children with special needs and they were their advocates. They gave these children a joyous childhood and a much needed voice."

On her MySpace page, Melanie Billings said she was a "total Internet and ebay JUNKIE" and that her favorite song was "I Cross My Heart," by country music star George Strait. She loved the TV shows "CSI," ''Law & Order" and "The Sopranos."

The MySpace page also showed photos of some of the couple's 17 children (13 adopted together and four biological children from previous marriages.) Three had died over the years

Resaca man arrested for murder

Since the press now carries an account that contains the identity of the victim, I will not blank it out as I did before. As always, the death of any individual is a loss for us all. My student was out today and this is an especially hard thing for his family to deal with. I heard that this young person had lost a much younger brother years ago in a house fire. I just couldn't imagine losing my own child, how tragic. I heard that my student lost his father unexpectedly years ago, not sure when. This brother was a step-brother and I heard my student's step-father had lost his first wife. A lot of pain and tragedy has been visited upon this family and I just think it's so sad. It humbles me when I think of all those "BIG THINGS" that weigh heavy on me when the scope of what I face is infinitesimal in the presence of such tragedy.

Someone commented that they knew the mother and how really nice she is. One of the other faculty members knows the family and has told us all the same thing, that this is such a nice family. I really don't know the family. This young man is new to my class and seems to be a pretty laid back, easy going, young man. I will work with helping him catch up when he returns to class. My prayers go out to all whose lives were touched by this young person left this earth way too soon.

RESACA MAN ARRESTED FOR MURDER

Police identify body found behind Kmart as David Lee Esslinger

Police have arrested a Resaca man and charged him with the murder of a Calhoun man whose body was discovered Wednesday afternoon.

Calhoun Police Chief Garry Moss said a late night altercation that turned deadly led to the death of David Lee Esslinger, 19, of 115 Willow Court lot 5, Calhoun, whose body was found Wednesday behind the Kmart store. Police on Thursday identified Esslinger as the victim. Daniel Kemp, 17, of 727 Midway Road , Resaca, was arrested at approximately 3:00 a.m. Thursday morning, after being interviewed by detectives and agents from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation.

Kemp is in Gordon County Jail charged with one count of murder.

According to Calhoun Police: Officers were called to the Kmart parking lot around 3:00 p.m. Wednesday after a passerby spotted a body lying in the wood line behind Kmart. Upon arrival officers discovered the partially clothed body of a young male with no identification.

While processing the crime scene, detectives discovered evidence of a struggle and determined that an altercation between the victim, and the suspect began in the roadway where the victim was assaulted and then carried into the wood line.

Esslinger’s body was sent to the GBI crime lab in Atlanta for investigation and identification. That process typically takes several days. Calhoun Police treated the death as a homicide from the beginning, said Lt. Tony Pyle. “Anything that seems like it’s not a natural death is initially treated as a homicide,” Pyle said. A cause of death was not announced, and Calhoun Police are waiting from results from the GBI. Kemp remains in the Gordon County Jail with further charges pending

A Peachy Sweep Christmas

Years ago when I was in the husband hunting mode I read articles that would suggest that I join clubs that are focused on activities I enjoyed. Back then I was really involved with radio contests. I actually did quite well with them and went to see many concerts, won many t-shirts, albums, and even a few trips. I didn’t know of any groups that were involved with radio contests. It seemed that people like me were pretty solitary in our passion. We’d tell loved ones and friends of our wins but they simply thought we were just incredibly lucky and they’d insist that they never won anything. Sweeping was pretty much a solitary pursuit for me.

I’d dated a few guys who tolerated my hobby. I know that at least one guy I dated for a period of time used radio live spots as dates knowing that it would be hard to turn down the chance for freebies and prizes. Every week we would go to the WAVA sponsored Friday happy hour at some area restaurant/bar/hotel. There was seldom a time I walked away without at least an album or t-shirt in hand. The best part was drink specials a free eats. It warmed the cockles of my cheap heart. I knew what time the radio stations would tell you to call in and I knew how many lines each station had. Can you say speed dial? I often had the phone ringing before the contest was announced.

I’m certain there were sweeping clubs back in the 80’s and early 90’s but back then radio contests were my staple. They didn’t take much work and they provided me with a stream of prizes. I began doing snail mail sweeps in the mid 80’s but other than a few occasional small wins I didn’t seem to have much luck at them. I didn’t have the money to buy stamps and with two small sons, college, and two jobs, I didn’t have a great deal of time to devote to sweeping. Radio contests didn’t require near as much time or energy.

When I first discovered Online-Sweepstakes it was still on loopy-net. I should have become a member back then. I didn’t. Instead I would come home from work, get online and enter a few sweepstakes online. It was easy enough. Click on the link, get sent the form, complete the form, submit, and keep your fingers crossed.

My interest in sweeping never totally went away but time and circumstances often had control over how involved I was with sweeping. When I first moved to Georgia about seven years ago I was starting out with no friends. How do you go about making new friends? Some people who meet me think that I’m probably Miss Life of the Party but if you really got to know me you’d realize how difficult it was for me to approach new people and make new friends. That’s why I was surprised when Carol first reached out to me and invited me to join Atlanta Peach Sweepers.

At the time it was too far away for me. Alice had moved into our house and her illness required our attention. Sweeping at that time was a luxury and a blessing. When I moved to Cartersville, Carol again invited me to join Atlanta Peach Sweepers. Darryl and I had lots going on in our lives and although I was interested I just couldn’t commit to joining. I think I was also curious just how a sweepers club could help me. You could say it’s all about me but I think I felt as if I joined would I be a burden to such a group or a benefit for the group.

It was this year when I finally began going to the meetings. Darryl encouraged me to go. I tried arguing that I’d get lost trying to go to the meetings, that people wouldn’t like me, and the cost of gas. “Cathy, you say you want to make friends but then you don’t make any moves in that direction. Go to the meeting. I’ll go with you maybe I’ll learn something.” Ok he talked me into it.

I’m so very glad that I found Atlanta Peach Sweepers. . Down to the very last person they have been wonderful and supportive. Best of all they don’t find my addiction to be strange or a waste of time. We celebrate each others wins and share tips and tricks with others. Just like I’m kicking myself in the backside for not registering with OLS when I first found it I can’t believe I didn’t join the group when I was first invited.

This past Sunday we had our Christmas party. What an amazing party it was. Big hint to anyone coming next year: COME HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!” There was chicken, lots of sides, and lots of desserts.

When we came in we were given these adorable name tags that were shaped like ice skates. I’ve added it to my Christmas tree this year to remember this wonderful party. After we were finished eating they distributed a nice little gift that included a scratch off lottery ticket. I didn’t win and neither did Darryl but for those few moments that ticket went unscratched I imagined winning enough to pay down some bills.

Next we had to select one of the bags that were in the front of the room. Whatever bag you touched was yours. I grabbed a bag and inside was candy (always nice), some beautifully decorated envelopes. Then I pulled out the best gift of all. Five books of stamps!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost broke down in tears. With Darryl being out of work I have to take a look at what we can and what we can’t afford. What am I willing to give up? I’d like to say that sweeping is a necessity but it’s a desire. These stamps are going to keep me in the game and I was celebrating wanting to just hug everyone there for such a great gift. Then it was Darryl’s turn to select a bag. When he brought his bag back to the table we found candy (see previous joyous remarks), decorated envelopes, and A YEAR’S SUBSCRIPTION to SWEEPSHEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hugged Darryl for picking the right bag and I tried to keep my howling at the moon to a minimum.

Next we played Dirty Santa. Darryl had never played that and I was now an old hand at it after one game. Upon seeing the great prizes others brought I immediately felt sad that we had brought movie posters. The gifts other people brought were so much nicer and I don’t care how much the ARV was when I won them they certainly didn’t match the wonderful gifts Darryl and I won.

When I first played Dirty Santa I had remained unscathed. No one wanted the door hanger I had won and I watched as three or four gifts became “THE MOST WANTED” gift trading hands frequently. This time though I was a Santa casualty. I originally selected a bag filled with unusual Atlanta Post Cards. I was thrilled. I felt like I had won the jackpot really. Once again I was thinking WOW this will save me money when I’m sweeping. I won’t have to buy post cards for a long time. Then came the first snatch. Another sweeper came over and snatched my postcards. I had a post card of the big chicken in my hand and I was thinking about sending that to my Grandkids because I knew they’d never seen anything like that before. Darryl told me to put the postcard back in the bag and I watched it as my postcards found a new home. I made a theatrical little pouty face.

I now had to get a new prize. The idea of the movie gift card sounded good to me especially since I’d won a single ticket the other day from an online contest. I knew I really wanted to see the movie Marley and Me. I loved the book and I was hoping that the movie wouldn’t disappoint me. Then I remembered that a young kid had the movie tickets. I couldn’t take it from him even though his mom said it would be OK. “No” I said “I don’t want to go to hell.” I could really see me sitting in the depths of hell and having someone turn to me saying “So I’m in here for murder what are you here for?” “Oh me? I stole a movie gift card from some little kid.”

Instead I went up to grab another bag off the table. I was cheered up by the fact that the bag contained not only some more decorated envelopes but a book of stamps also. OH MY!!!!!!!!!!! This is my lucky day. I’m still in the game. I’m ready to sweep my way into a big win. I didn’t have that prize very long. Someone else took them and once again I selected a prize from the table. I already liked the gift because of the basket it came in. It was shaped like a heart. Inside were colored pencils, markers, and crayons. They were things I could definitely use for my classroom and I said that when I showed off the gift. I hoped I’d be able to keep this gift and I did. Darryl did come out with some invitations, decorated envelopes, and other sweep supplies. So trust me I’m not complaining. We really had a great time and I really love EVERYTHING we won.

I did feel bad at the end because as I was leaving the girl who had taken my post cards apologized to me for taking the postcards. I didn’t mean to make her feel bad. I was playing on with the game and the disappointment was fleeting and not long lasting. I didn’t mean to make her feel bad. She was playing the game and that was just fine. I was in the game, I knew the rules, and that’s just part of the game. Really I’m not holding a grudge. I hope you don’t either.

I can’t wait to see how next year is going to go and I’m so thankful for everything and everyone who is a part of Atlanta Peach Sweepers. Thank you for including Darryl and I in your group and making us feel like we are a part of something WONDERFUL.

Economy Sheds 533K Jobs in November

According to this Fox Business Report this was the biggest one-month job loss since January of 1974.

The Labor Department said nearly all sectors lost jobs during the November period. Construction jobs fell by 82,000 during the month, while service sector jobs dropped by a massive 370,000 jobs.

The professional and business service sector lost 136,000 jobs, while manufacturing firms shed 85,000 jobs last month as well. The high-paying, high-quality jobs that both Wall Street and the U.S. government is looking for were not immune from this job purging.

The only sectors where jobs were created last month were in education and health services, which created 52,000 jobs last month, and in government, where 7,000 jobs were created last month as well. Education, health and government are considered recession-resistant professions and do not tend to shed jobs in times of economic slowdowns. It’s times like this that make me really appreciate my teaching job.

Darryl registered with the unemployment office on Tuesday. He couldn’t apply before then because technically he was still on their payroll. He is eligible for the maximum payment. For those who need to apply in the State of Georgia click HERE for information. Looking for a Job in Georgia ? Well please check HERE for a job search engine.

When I arrived home yesterday I discovered a FedEx envelope on our front step. As a sweeper that’s usually good news. Yesterday it was bittersweet at least for me. The envelope was for Darryl from Trinity. It contained his last check. I couldn’t help but hope it was a letter asking him to come back. You know what they say about the phases of grief, one of them is denial. I’m in it pretty deep. I keep hoping against hope we’ll get a call saying, “You know Darryl, we’ve reconsidered and we realize we need you here. Come back ok?” None of it seems to faze Darryl though. He’s put a pretty happy spin on it and seems annoyed that this is all troubling me so much. In the meantime he’s readying the other house for our return.

I’m Just Another Statistic on A Sheet

Bob Seger wrote a song called “I Feel Like A Number”. There have been times in my life I felt like the spoke in the wheel a tiny blade of grass in a big field. I think Bob Seger’s description is very apt. Ronald Reagan once said “A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.”

As a Business teacher, I’m very aware that the definition of a recession is two consecutive quarters of economic contraction, or a decline in real gross domestic product. I am also aware that there has never, in the postwar U.S., been a 1 percentage point increase in unemployment without a recession having been declared, and much of that increase in unemployment occurs after the recession started.

This weekend Darryl and I read the AJC (Atlanta Journal Constitution) about the latest statistics. According to the article Georgia’s Unemployment Fund Stable for Now Georgia State University economist Rajeev Dhawan predicted in his quarterly forecasting report that the United States will lose 2 million more jobs during the next year, in addition to the 1 million that have already been lost.

With the unemployment rate already at 7 percent, Georgians won’t see any real signs of recovery for at least another 18 months, said Dhawan, director of the Economic Forecasting Center at Georgia State.

I’m old enough to remember the Jimmy Carter Presidency and its repercussions. Honestly I would love to say that Ronald Reagan inspired me to vote, he did but only towards the end of the campaign when I really paid attention. It was my first Presidential vote and I knew I HATED Carter. That’s really what inspired me. HATE is a strong word. Even then I remember the media trying to sway me with fear. Watch out, if Reagan gets in there will be global cooling. If Reagan gets in there will be nuclear war. Yet what did I have under Carter? I felt as though I was planted firmly in the land of have nots.

I didn’t have a car myself back then. Living near DC I took the bus and the subway everywhere. What I can still remember to this day is wondering if it was an odd or even day. For those who were not aware you could only buy gas on the days that corresponded with your tag number. What it an odd or even tag? Well on an odd day you could buy gas if your tag was odd if not then you were out of luck.

At that time I was looking to buy my first home. Interest rates were at 18% when I was looking to buy. Even my childhood home would have cost me about $800 or $900 a month. Still I wanted a piece of the American Dream and so I squeezed every penny which wasn’t easy in the recession.

I remember looking for a higher paying job in 1979. This was in DC a city many felt was recession proof. I had gone to an agency that used to randomly call secretaries to tell you about better job opportunities routinely. I had gotten almost all my office jobs through them. When I arrived in their office the job counselor said she’d never seen anything like this before. She just couldn’t believe the job market and how tight it was.

I remember working two jobs and listening to the radio talk about the annual inflation rate which rose from 4.8% in 1976 to 6.8% in 1977, 9% in 1978, 11% in 1979, and hovered around 12% at the time of the 1980 election campaign. There were 8 million people out of work (about 7.7% unemployment). It was frightening back then and I had two jobs. It is just as frightening, maybe more frightening now.

I think it is more frightening now because I don’t have the invincibility of youth. The Depression for me was something they talked about in history class, that you saw on the show The Little Rascals, and the reason Grandma was afraid to throw anything away. It seemed as though those times were far away and hadn’t we made stop gap measures to keep this from happening again? Now I come from a different perspective. I remember going through several recessions now. I remember being in college and watching people with degrees standing in huge lines to try to get jobs as wait staff in a resort opening in Reston , Virginia . Desperate times and they loom in the shadows waiting to take me under again.

Darryl said he didn’t know why I’m such a pessimist and why I’m focusing on the bad things instead of all the good things we have. He can’t seem to understand why I feel the icy grip of this recession tightening around my throat. Maybe it’s easier for me to focus on the loss of a dream house because there is a definite end to me owning it. There is an uncertainty of when this will end.

Yesterday we talked to Jennifer, our neighbor, who is going to sell our home. At one point she says she was making insane money but now she’s not making anything. She sold her house at a loss and we will be selling ours at a loss. For Darryl, the house is already gone. For me it is still there, still in reach, and still helping me keep a grip on the uncertainty that wraps itself around me. Jennifer said that she heard that home sales might not pick up until 2013. Economists tell us the worse might be over by the end of 2009 or sometime in 2010. When are we going to be out of this recession?

Darryl is so over the house. For me it’s like an extension of who I am. Many women get wrapped up in all those extrinsic things that give us our value. Things like our husband, our home, our kids, our looks, and the list seems endless. Women are such social creatures and we look for outward symbols that say “Look I Belong”. For a man he gets some of those same feelings from his job, his wife, and his car. Darryl threw up to me that I one time told him I could live in a trailer as long as I had him by my side. He asked if I still felt that way. I do love him. If given the choice of keeping the house but losing him there would be no choice, the house would go because he means so much to me.

That choice is not there. The choice is not pick me or the house. There is no choice. I am losing the house. I even asked “What if you got a job by next Friday making as much as or more than your last position, could we keep the house?” He merely answered that we’d discuss it but then went on to argue about all the things he didn’t like about the house and the Homeowners Association. So I feel upset that he doesn’t see that either way the importance of this house to me. I feel my sorrow is falling on deaf ears.

The other day I was typing on the computer and the song “ Allentown ” by Billy Joel began playing in my head. “Filling out forms, standing in line.” “For the promises our teachers made, if we worked hard, if we behaved.” I had thought I worked hard and thought I had behaved. I thought it meant something.

I listen to the talking heads talk of lagging indicators. They say that unemployment represents the past state of the economy more than it indicates where the economy is headed. For the unemployed - and those looking for jobs - it is certainly not good news.

The Economy Sends Us a Sucker Punch

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darryl's company just recently sent him to Mexico. He was gone for several days and I missed him. When he came home he went on and on about what a great sign this was for him. After all his boss normally would have gone on such a trip but they were sending him. We imagined that he would be promoted and sent to Dallas, Texas. I hated to think about that but on the other hand it looked like we'd be moving in the right direction. We figured I'd have another three years here and then I would be vested in my pension plan. We figured even if he got called in before I finished my time here we'd travel back and forth and then I'd move down. I love this house but I wanted Darryl to move forward with his career.

The planets seemed to finally be aligning in all the right places. The auto insurance was going to pay us almost all of what I needed for my new car after the accident. We were finally going to rent out the house in Cartersville. I was beginning to have little dreams of being more like some upper middle class woman. You know the kind that stays at home, gets her hair done every six weeks and goes out to dinner with the girls. We just got an invite from the neighbor women to go to an ornament exchange and I was trying to figure out how to make the pennies really squeeze.

Darryl was wondering about us taking a trip to see my family for the holidays and about seeing Gene get married. We talked about visiting my son Michael before he shipped off for Iraq. As a matter of fact Darryl just emailed me about a cross country trip he'd like to take this summer. We were finally going to stop wondering when the next shoe was going to drop.

Well the shoe dropped. Just a few weeks ago I asked Darryl, what would happen if he got laid off. I fretted over it a little but Darryl assured me his company was having record profits. At the time they were getting ready to send him to Mexico. He assured me that the nation needed coal and he didn't for see any reason to worry. He'd actually been told that engineering probably wouldn't be hurt by all this. He was being trained to take his boss' place. I believed him and I believe Darryl believed this too.

I came home from work planning to work on Dan's resume. Honestly I felt pretty good. I was finally through with being sick. I would have time to work on Dan's stuff and keep up with my sweeps. Yippee. No sense of impending doom.

I was home, maybe an hour and I was fixing dinner. Big dog as moving back and forth, he wanted to go out. I saw Darryl outside. What was that about? He was supposed to be at work. Maybe he was sick. Maybe he took the day off. "Look big dog. Daddy's home."

Darryl looked up. "I didn't want you to see this. I wanted to wait until I got in." he said. He was taking his boots out of the car. His small fridge was in the trunk. "What's wrong?" I asked. He asked me to wait until he got in.

I wondered if he was going to tell me we got broken into again. I'd just had enough I was just sick and tired of it. I waited and stood in front of the stove. What could it be. What did he know. I hadn't seen his Dad was something wrong and he wanted to tell me when he was inside.

Then it clicked. He got laid off. He WHAT? No no that can't be true. That's a crazy thought.

Darryl came in. He got laid off. They called him in today around 3:00 and told him that they were laying him off. This is so unexpected. We were so blindsided by this. We are going to have to give this house, my dream house back to the bank. I'm moving back to Cartersville. I've been here before.

Darryl's got to get a job within three weeks or we lose the house. I told him that we'll just give this house back. There's just no way he can get another job so quickly. Not in this economy. Just no way. I sit here in the loft typing on my computer. I had a dream about how I wanted this loft to look. I loved looking out my window as the sun rose in the morning. I imagined how we would entertain in my beautiful kitchen. I loved my bedroom. I loved my living room. It's a beautiful house.

It's all over. I need to start bringing boxes home soon. We really have to leave. I can't say my life is over. I've faced much worse in my life. What I can say is that this is a sucker punch I wasn't expecting.

Say a prayer for us.