Sunday, April 8, 2007

A Chance To Mend Fences

Today we saw my brother-in-law.  He seemed like a completely new person one I’ve never seen before. He was very animated. I was used to my brother-in-law having a dry sense of humor and kind of stand offish in a way. This time we talked and carried on and he looked so happy and animated. I was glad that he told us about what happened but also told him that I was hoping that this would give us a chance to be more like brother and sister.

He cried at one point of our conversation when I was talking to him about his mother and about his experience with her. His description of her sounded more like my description of her. She always seemed very distant to me. He felt that this program called Pathways really did wonders for him and it is something that I'm going to take a look at. I'm going to try to do my Dr. Phil stuff again. Really try to focus on it and see how I can improve my life.

Today I am thankful for mending fences. I had cut myself off from my husband's brother My brother-in-law because of an incident that happened a couple of years ago. My husband had me go with him to his brother's house in Chicago. It was extremely hot and a long trip. I didn't want to go but did anyway. My husband insisted that there wouldn't be a problem. Of course there was no problem, for him. I decided to wait in the vehicle.

I was not going to give my sister-in-law his wife any reason or cause to come over and bother me. I knew she was looking for an excuse to confront me. Instead I sat out in that hot hot vehicle and read. I watched Harrison run by but didn't shout out to him. She finally took him into the house. I just knew she would say something and I didn't want to be accused of starting anything. Did I mention it was hot?

My husband and his brother were loading stuff on his truck and I could see his wife glaring out at the truck. Back and forth she would go in and out of the truck. I needed to go to the bathroom but I knew not to ask to go into the bathroom. I would then be out of everyone's sight and then she would pounce.

Finally my husband finished putting stuff on the truck and he went to the house to say goodbye to Harrison. When he did that I felt like he was crossing the line. I wasn't allowed in that house and he shouldn't go if I wasn't allowed in there. We had a huge battle royal with crying and bitterness.

Eventually my husband and I were able to work things out but I for the longest time I wanted nothing to do with either his brother or his wife. I felt it was quite insulting to be treated that way especially since I was the one who cared for their mother as she was dying.  How could they treat me like I don't matter and expect my husband to just go along with it?

 There can be no divided loyalties. When we got married and start our own family, that's where our primary loyalty needs to be. He is my husband whether they liked it or not.

I look upon his new relationship and commitment to GOD as a positive change in our relationship.  I look forward to a chance of forming a new relationship with him.