Tuesday, July 10, 2012

When Husbands Wimp Out - A Heart Like His

Today is the third day of Bible Study with Beth Moore’s “David 90 Days With A Heart Like His”

"Hannah, why are you crying? her husband Elkanah asked. "Why won't you eat? Why are you troubled? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel:8)

Where does your husband comes up short in the caring and understanding department?  And—be honest—where do you come up short for him?

Isn’t it always that way that it’s far easier to enumerate all the ways your spouse comes up short but always more difficult to see where you might not always be the loving caring spouse you think yourself to be.  The fact is that no one is perfect and it would be foolish to expect others to be perfect when you are a flawed individual.

I tend to take the fact that my husband sometimes talks in short clipped sentences.  I’ll use an example from this week at church.  I wanted to take a photo of a couple of statues at church to send to my sons.  One was St. Michael and the other was St. Francis.  My oldest son was born on the Feast of St. Francis.  My youngest son is named Michael. 

I was trying to be discrete and quickly take the photos.  That’s when my husband said, “Why don’t you ever take the time to center up your photos.  You never seem to care how the photo is going to turn out.”  I told him, “Here’s my phone.  Why don’t you take the photos for me.”  This was greeted with “No if you don’t care then I don’t care.”

I certainly realize that I am no Ansel Adams but I HATE when my husband uses the words ALWAYS and NEVER.  If he really didn’t care why did he make a point to verbalize his opinion about the photo I was taking?

I obviously did not want to get into it with him at church, especially since the priest had just given us a special blessing for having been married for 10 years. 

I waited until later and then asked him, “Honey do me a favor.  If you see me trying to take a photo and you think it’s going to look really bad, why not just offer to take the photo for me.  Please don’t go on and on about what I’m doing wrong just offer to take it for me.

The reply to this plea was, “No if you don’t care then I don’t care if your photos look bad.  I will just keep my mouth shut.” 

As far as where I come up short, I’d like to report that I exceed expectations and do everything right.  I’d like to say that but I’d be lying. 

My husband is a man with a burning desire to have a successful business.  He’s had a couple and they both went under.  I haven’t been supportive of another try and by withholding this support I have hurt his pride. 

When I do this I’m may be making him fearful of sharing with me because of my reactions.  They say that every man craves a woman who will dream with him and encourage his dreams. I need to learn to listen to the dreams in his heart and actually believes he can accomplish them.

What could you do, not out of meanness or manipulation but with a genuine desire to encourage, to help him see where he’s hurting you?

I have learned that arguing, yelling, screaming, threatening, and cajoling generally are not long term solutions.  When I’m upset I try very hard to wait until cooler heads prevail.  I try to tell my husband what exactly is wrong and I don’t try to make him guess what it is or pout until he can figure it out on his own. 

Sometimes I wait until I can hold his hands and talk or until I can curl up in his arms and speak.  I know that sounds weird.  You’re angry, upset, but I think it’s important to let my husband know that I love him no matter what.

What are some of the most significant ways a husband can minister to his wife?  In what was does your husband to this very well?

One of the most significant ways a husband can minister to his wife is outlined in Ephesians 5:25 which reads, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church".

When a husband’s love is active without neglect, Genuine, without hypocrisy, and Free, without conditions before or expectation, it sets the stage for the family.  All things flow from this basic need.  When there is that love there is a solid foundation for the children and an atmosphere that allows both partners to grow.

A husband can minister to his wife by showing her great tenderness. He does this with his protection of her, from dangers, temptation, harm, reproach, contempt, and his sympathy with her in troubles.

I believe that my husband loves me and he is better at showing that love than he was early in our relationship.  He seems to love and care about my children. 

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