Sunday, July 10, 2011

How's Those Meds Workin?

For awhile now I've been having problems with panic attacks. I wish I could tell you how or when they all began but I think it would have to have been about twelve years ago.

If something bad or off happened during the day I would become almost uber-introspective thinking about what I could have done or should have done when something happened often taking full responsibility for things even when the perhaps I bore no responsibility.

My world was become more restrictive. I wouldn't quite say I was to the point of being agoraphobic but I would say that while I was once someone who could pick up on a whim and head for the beach I now only went to work or shopping.

There was a sameness to my day, weeks, and months except for interactions with some at work and I stuffed my fear and anxiety by stuffing my mouth with food.

I struggled to beat this by myself and it seemed like an up-hill climb at times. I had to break down the symptoms and work at taking them on one by one.

For example, part of the reason I hated leaving my house was because I was suffering with menorrhagia. It's a very embarrassing condition and it also left me very tired.

I finally decided to stop putting off seeing a doctor and found out that my problem, Uterine fibroids, was treatable.

I lost the weight I had put on but with all that was going on with my life, from my husband losing his business, losing our home, etc., etc. I just couldn't seem to totally beat my depression. There were times when I would feel a wave of fear for no reason at all. My heart would pound in my chest and it would sometimes be hard for me to breathe if there was some deviation in my schedule. I was living the life of a quasi-agoraphobic

I was living a life of active avoidance and it was having serious impact on my life. I have finally sought out treatment for my panic attacks and I think I finally have begun seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I was driving into Atlanta for a big conference for my curriculum area. Normally the thought of going all that way all by myself would start making me nervous. I would begin thinking over and over that I just didn't want to go.

This time I was backed yesterday and while I wasn't excited about going I was able to leave without working myself into a state or seeking ways to avoid leaving for the conference.

Just before I got on 75 I stopped at the Starbucks in Cartersville to get a brownie. That's when I noticed that I had Darryl's keys. This was not a good discovery because they are keys to the house, his vehicle and of course work keys.

Honestly there was a time where I would have gone into full panic attack mode at the very thought of having to drive all the way back home only to have to turn around to begin driving back. Keep in mind this does not mean that I would have been angry about the whole thing just panicking because now I'd be late getting where I was going.

This time I realized that my world wouldn't end. I'd simply get my brownies, called my husband, returned home with the keys, and then headed on over to the Country Inn & Suites in Atlanta.

Speaking of the Country Inn & Suites, I'm staying at the one in Windy Hill and I really love it. My bed is HUGE. I also have a nice refrigerator and microwave in the room. There is a Fitness Center and a swimming pool whirlpool area. This Country Inn & Suites offers a complimentary shuttle within a 5-minute radius of the hotel between the hours of 8AM - 10PM. How great is that.

I got here too late to go to the conference opening event but I'll be there bright an early tomorrow.

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