Thursday, November 27, 2008

You Don't See What's Coming

Last year I wanted desperately to leave Rome High School. At the time it looked like we wouldn’t make our No Child Left Behind Numbers. We started out the year hearing that there was no way around it we were going to fall short of the numbers. Morale was bad and I really felt that Dr. Evans would be gone by the end of the year. We later learned that he was desperately trying to get out, sort of the rats trying to abandon the ship analogy.

By February I was sending out resumes and trying to get an interview at another school. I wanted to get a job closer to our home in Acworth. They were throwing up beautiful brand new schools only minutes from my new home. I went to the cattle calls but couldn’t get an interview. I was beside myself. As a matter of fact I didn’t hear from any school until weeks before I had to start back to Rome and it was too late. That job would have been in Cherokee County which is a nice county.

So here I was back at Rome and I remember thinking well next year I will try a different route of attack in finding a job in Paulding County. Well I guess there was a reason I didn’t get the job. I guess because I was meant to go back to Cartersville. I didn’t make the connection until I was talking with Loretta after Thanksgiving dinner.

After dinner Loretta and I talked for a couple of hours while Darryl, his father, and Wally were watching TV. I like Loretta and she was sitting there talking to me about how one of her sisters wouldn’t visit her as long as she lived in a trailer. I felt that was petty. She told me that when she drove up to visit us tonight she couldn’t imagine herself ever living in such a nice house. I told her that I had felt the same way.

After they left, Darryl wanted to read my blog. Darryl never wanted to read my blog before now he was all for reading my blog. Why I asked. He said he wanted to see what I wrote. Why? I just want to see he insisted.

Instead he read, nitpicked, denied, and tried to tell me that the apple in my hand was actually an orange. He was upset about the comment about the dog saying it made him sound like a Prick.

 I had explained it using just that comment because he really didn’t get how heartless he was being with the house. I was trying to mourn losing this house and he was beside himself wanting to show me BETTER homes. It’s hard to see ANYTHING as better when you loved where you were. It’s hard to say wow I’m so thrilled to have such a beautiful house, but gee you sure are right that linoleum has a lot of pluses to it. When he asked me what I didn’t like about the homes he showed me he told me that he’d get a tile floor and then say, look we paid way too much for that house we’re living in. We overpaid for the view. Again he’s missing the whole puppy thing. If you really love your puppy, I don’t care if the NEW Puppy is an AKA blue blood poodle you don’t see any pluses to the new puppy.

So I had to hear about how I was being petty about the whole house thing. He just doesn’t know. I was able to fix my dinner in my double ovens and Loretta couldn’t get over it. She looked like I feel every time I use them. It’s as though I’m Weezy Jefferson and I can almost hear the music cue “Well we’re movin’ on up…to the east side…..”

 Sure I know why we are moving back to the other house. Yes I volunteered to do that. Yes I’m lucky that I have somewhere to go. Can’t I feel bad about it? Can’t I feel a bit sad about losing the house and what it represented to me?

I think what Darryl wanted was for me to say, “You are so right Darryl. I can’t wait to move over to Cartersville. Oh and don’t you worry about anything. I’ll just keep teaching and I’ll keep my mouth shut about concerns about you beginning your own business. It’s like Obama Universe. I guess it’s supposed to be sunshine, lollypops and rainbows every day. Sure there are more important things in this world about the house but it’s easier to focus on that than on the uncertainty of just when Darryl is going to find a job.

So after he reads my blog he has cross words with me and tries to edit what I had to say. Why did you say this? Why did you say that? When I try to explain something like the stains on the counter I offer to show them to him only to remember that he’s changed the counter there. It doesn’t matter to him about what condition that the kitchen was in or how depressing it was. For him it was the matter that I posted what I saw and he felt that it was a misrepresentation. Perhaps I should have said “Oh and my kitchen back in Cartersville, the floor was heated marble and the counters were hand polished granite. I could scarcely choke back the tears having seen those beautiful cherry wood cabinets. Oh and forget the double oven I had a convection oven and a trash compactor” The truth however was that this was not how the kitchen looked and I stand by my story.

This is the same guy who jumps on me if I tell one of my sons that Darryl got me a 2000 Sebring. Why did you tell them what year? Why is that important? Why didn’t you just say that you got a convertible? He feels it makes him look cheap. I didn’t. I needed a car. He said he wanted to buy me a convertible for my next car and he did. I love my new car.

When I began writing this entry he tossed some more angry words.
I posted a picture ofthe ugly downstairs bathroom in cartersville
a picture I used trying to win a new kitchen is at the top of this blog. The large yellow stain was covered by our microwave. Do you like the stove?

Well Darryl might not remember this but the first time I turned the oven on the living room filled with smoke. That’s why we wound up buying a neighbor’s stove. Oh don’t even ask about the ugly yellow and blue wallpaper. I didn’t pick it out. The previous owner had a thing for wallpaper.

So no in the scheme of things I do know that a house is a house and not a home. I’m asking Darryl to allow me to mourn the loss of the house. Instead I’m catching grief. I had to listen to his little rant to his Dad about how I want him to work at McDonalds. I guess the thing is, if McDonalds is hiring then maybe we need to put in an application. He and I talk about people who say they can’t find jobs but they pass right by the help wanted signs or people who refuse to move to find jobs. We should be willing to do the same thing. Having said that, I am must go because I need to continue grabbing my ankles and thanking him for all the grief he's giving me.

No comments: