Sunday, July 25, 2010

He's Just Not Worth It

At the risk of sounding obvious, NO MAN is worth killing over.

I just finished reading up on the Rachel Wade Case and the drama of it seemed to suck the oxygen out of the room.

The story is long and complicated but suffice it to say, it was about a boy. These two young women allowed their lives to be destroyed by a boy who saw them as nothing more than "friends with benefits." (His words not mine)

In the end Rachel Marie Wade plunged a kitchen knife into Sarah Ludemann about 12:40 a.m. Wednesday - stabbing her in the heart. Two girls, one dead, and one recently convicted of murder in the second degree.

I think what disturbed me the most was that I can still remember being young, being so madly in love with a man who cared far less for me than I did for him. My ex-husband cheated on me, beat me, and fathered a child with another woman, and yet I focused much of my anger and hate at the other woman.

I felt if only she would leave us alone we could work things out. The pain and anger of the whole situation caused me to contemplate killing myself just to end the constant harassment and abuse. I remember her calling, and calling, and calling and I asked her "Why don't you leave us alone? I have a sick baby, why won't you just stop." She was quick to tell me that MY Husband loved her and not me and I needed to let him go.

I was a new mother with an extremely ill child with no time for dealing with my husband's mistress. I was too busy struggling with postpartum depression, a child in intensive care, and my body was healing from a c-section. I tried to appeal to her as a human being to just leave me alone, but I had what she wanted, my husband.

My husband on the other hand bounced back an forth between denying the existence of this woman, swearing that there was no one else. Then he beat me several times, almost kicking open my C-section stitches because I had told the "imaginary" mistress "stop calling her you whore. Leave me alone. Leave my family alone."

Did I ever want her dead? I would be lying if I answered no. I wished that she'd fall off the edge of the world, that lightening would strike her dead, that she wold get AIDS, and yes I even felt that if she came to my house to "kick me out of my own home" I could kill her. Thank GOD there was no Facebook or Myspace back then because I'm certain she would have used them to harass me also.

Fortunately she never dropped by. Thankfully I had friends who stood by me through it all and helped me move on with my life. My ex is still alive and remarried. I am still alive and remarried. She married twice (neither time to my ex) and they both ditched her. Yes I still secretly gloat that her life has turned out the way it has but she is definitely alive.

I look back in amazement that this woman, ran up to me in the courthouse for my divorce hearing. I was handing him over to her on a silver platter. She waddled up to me full speed while I sat outside the courtroom waiting for our case to be called. She was HUGELY pregnant and she saw me and took off headed directly towards me. I had been sitting there with my Grandmother, my infant son, and a friend and she was screeching calling me a bitch!

I didn't give her eye contact until the screaming happened and when I did I noticed that two officers grabbed her, restraining her, telling her to calm down or they would have to take her into custody.

I looked down on the floor and tried to hold back the tears. THIS was the woman he was leaving me for. A high school drop out who acted like a piece of white trash (may apology to white trash everywhere). I said nothing didn't give her the benefit of seeing me so upset. I could still hear her yelling and screaming. Saying things like, "I guess this proves who he really loves."

Then the two cops approached me. Everyone I was with had been quiet. I really didn't know why the cops were coming to speak to me.

The first cop said to me, "Is that the woman your husband is with instead of you?" Strange question for a policeman.

I stared at the floor again. I was so embarrassed. I barely squeaked out the word "yes."

The second officer said, "He is making the biggest mistake of his life." The first cop said to us "My God she's nuts. You deserve better."

They walked away and I could feel the tears slip down my cheek because I didn't understand why two strangers could see this but not him. Then again I must have been dense because I should have said to myself, you're right, I do deserve better.

My point is that I can understand how tempers can fly but really no man is worth killing over. No man worth dying for. The funny thing is the men that women fight over generally seem to be worthless, (my ex included). In the Wade case the worthless Lothario was named Joshua Camacho. He was seeing both these girls as well as another one who bore his child. Sad, so very sad.

I wanted to reach back to my younger self and smack myself across the face shouting "What the hell are you doing putting up with this? What is your problem girl? Why are you allowing a man to abuse you and take advantage of you all while calling it love? It is anything but! Someone who loves you would never hurt you in this manner. Someone who loves you would not cheat on you. Someone who loves you would never beat Someone who loves you would put a stop to this harassment. You deserve so much better."

Then today I saw another Facebook feud between two women who claimed to love the same prison inmate led to a high-speed chase and a crash that critically injured one of the rivals, killed her friend and left the second rival facing murder charges.

Torrie Emery was arraigned Friday in Pontiac's 50th District Court on multiple felonies, as friends of the dead woman were holding a car wash to pay for her funeral.

"It's unbelievable," said Pontiac police Chief Valard S. Gross told The Associated Press as he described the escalating dispute that ended with Wednesday's deadly crash. "It's just crazy."

According to Gross, Emery, 23, and Danielle Booth, 20, had been feuding for some time, leading to an earlier police complaint. According to Emery's family, the dispute was over a 23-year-old man now serving time in a Michigan prison.

On Wednesday, Emery was driving when she saw Booth in the passenger seat of a car driven by Alesha Abernathy and started chasing her, Gross said. Emery had her 3-year-old daughter in the car with her.

Trying to escape, Abernathy apparently ran a red light at Rapid Drive and her Ford Taurus was struck by a refrigeration truck, killing her and critically injuring Booth, police said.

The crash killed Abernathy and critically injured Booth, who was in the intensive care unit Friday at POH Regional Medical Center in Pontiac. Emery and her daughter weren't hurt.

"We apologize to the family about what happened," Emery's aunt, Tamika White, said after the hearing. "This Facebook stuff is just a mess. They're going on Facebook about a guy that neither one have — that's in the penitentiary."

She wasn’t trying to kill anybody,” Tracy Emery screamed while sitting in front of the courthouse. “Please have mercy on her, Lord.”

Once again we have one woman dead in the hapless pursuit of a man she will probably one day look back upon as a LOSER. In each case, a life was snuffed out too early.

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